Paul Gadzikowski


Leprechauns "Act II"

"But you're not real," said Buffy.

"My exact words," said Santa Claus, "to Sherlock Holmes."


"There is a succubus in Sunnydale," said Giles.

Cordelia nodded. "The Number 4, that goes to the warehouse district. I heard about that."

"A succubus is an evil spirit that seduces you," explained Willow.

"Actually an incubus is a boy spirit that seduces girls," said Xander. "A succubus is a girl spirit."

Everybody stared at him.

"It was in a movie," said Xander defensively, obviously regretting the impromptu demonstration that he might actually know things.

"Still," said Giles. "That you should retain that the succubus is the female ..."

"Well, I guess I just figured that the syllable 'suc' referred to -"

"Ewww," said Willow.

"Then what did you guess the 'in' means?" asked Cordelia.


"Excuse me," said the attractive girl at the bus stop after rehearsal, "- you look high school age."

"Yes and no," said Oz.

"I'm trying to get there - to the school," said the girl, "and I think I need help." She had a copy of the transit authority's colorful route map.

"You sure need help if you're using that. There hasn't been a new revision in so long, the first time I drew my own I did it in crayon."

"Are you going that way?"

"I am now." There was something about her ...

"Oh, thanks. Oh, there's the bus."

"We don't want this one. This's the Number 4."

"This bus doesn't go all the way?"

"Not yet anyhow."


"What are you doing here in November?" Buffy asked.

"I'm going to tell you a secret," said Santa. "I don't really make all my deliveries on Christmas Eve."

"You don't?" Buffy felt like she'd just learned there was no ... never mind.

"You kiddin'? Cover the whole world in one night, after sitting around all year? That'd kill a man in my condition. No, I use time travel."

"Time travel?"

"Every day I get up, time-travel to the night of the following December 25 and cover 1/260 of my route."

"Not 1/365?"

"No, because I take weekends off like everyone else. I put in a regular eight-hour shift and return to the present day in the evening."

"So what are you doing in Sunnydale in November?"

"Time machine malfunction. I was ejected out of my sleigh on its way back to the workshop, and apparently the elves don't know where I am or they'd have come for me by now."

"So what do you need from me?"

"Could I use your phone?"


"I'm looking for the library," said the girl. "Actually the librarian."

"The library's this way," said Oz, pointing down the hall. He hoped Giles and the gang weren't there so he could try to get her alone in the cage. There was just something about her.


"So we know that it's a succubus?" said Cordelia, as they left the morgue.

"Must be," said Giles. "The characteristic clawmark entry wounds in the back ... and exit wounds in the front ..."

"And not an incubus?" insisted Xander.

"Definitely not. With an incubus the entry wound is ... elsewhere."

"But the mangling of the body beyond recognition is characteristic of both?" Willow asked.

"Yes it is."

"Then why would a succubus' victim be wearing a metal bracelet that reads 'Sandy'?" Cordelia demanded.


They were still argiung as they arrived at the library. "Sandy can be short for Alexander," Giles was maintaining. "I admit that it's not a frequent diminutive for Alexander ..."

"Who are you telling?" said Xander.

They discovered Oz sitting at the study table, his feet up, not reading a book. "So what is it this week?" he asked.

"Unprotected sex," said Xander.

"Not the health class topic, the monster."

"It's a succubus," said Willow. "But it may be an incubus."

"We must find her immediately," Giles insisted.

"Hel-lo," wafted a female voice laden with weariness and sarcasm. They turned to see a teenage girl glaring at them from inside the cage.

"Very good, Oz," said Giles.

"There was something about her," said Oz. "Set off my spider sense."

"You turn into a spider too?" said Cordelia. "Eww. The moon do that too, or something else?"

"Just keep'im clear of the curds and whey," said Xander.

"I'm not the succubus," said the girl. "I'm the Succubus Slayer. I'm Emily, you should've gotten my note through the Watchers."

"Succubus Slayers?" said Willow. "The Watchers have Succubus Slayers?"

"Well, it's a very large organization and there's only one Chosen One. We have a lot of spare time." Giles turned back to Emily. "I haven't had any message. How do we know you're the Slayer and not the succubus?"

"Because I can give you information," Emily said. "If you know she's in town that means you've found a victim. A female victim, right?"

The group exchanged a glance. "The evidence isn't conclusive," said Giles.

"Meaning you know I'm right. What we have here, boys and girls, is the world's first recorded lesbian succubus."


"Mom seems to be out," said Buffy as she and Santa entered the house. "The phone's over there."

"Never mind that," said Santa, peeling off her false beard. "I'm going to give you an early Christmas present ..."



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