Paul Gadzikowski

The Return of Archy the Cockroach


boss I was in the mc d waste 
bin yesterday 

you know 
that s where they toss the 
pre prepared sandwiches 
that have become unsalable 
because they re five 
minutes old 

the mcdonald s waste bin 
is corporate america s 
single greatest 
gift to verminkind 
i must write ray 
kroc a note 


i m in the waste 
bin and this guy brings 
his order back 
to the counter 

i ordered plain cheeseburgers 
and these don t have any cheese 
says he

well they re plain 
says the countergirl 

for a few seconds this 
guy doesn t say anything 


a cheeseburger has 
cheese on it 
says he 

by definition 
says he 

a plain cheeseburger 
is not a burger without 
says he 

what then would 
constitute a plain 
asks he 

a bun with 
on it 
asks he 

i ve been ordering 
plain cheeseburgers 
all my life 
says he 

i ve been ordering them 
at this counter 
for four years 
says he 

quote plain 
cheeseburger unquote 
doesn t mean a 
burger with no cheese 
says he 

when i pay the higher 
price listed on the menu 
for cheeseburgers 
i expect there to be cheese 
on my burgers 
says he 

and i certainly don t 
expect to have to 
argue about it with 
someone employed 
in a 
customer service position 
says he 

this guy needs a life 
thought i

but the countergirl 
threw his first order 
into the waste bin 
and he was right 

for cheeseburgers 
they were remarkably 
free of cheese 


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